Pitfalls in Online Writing

By Amanda Cross

The Internet is rife with poor grammar, punctuation, and capitalization. It is a virtual hotbed of your English teacher's worst nightmares. Despite this, most Internet users seem to be able to identify specific grammar errors that drive them up the wall. Just search on grammar pet peeves and you will find pages and pages of people complaining about split infinitives, sentence-ending prepositions, and abbreviations with the same level of anger they would have if their Level 8 Warrior were defeated by a Level 2 Page.

Sure, you might not want to give in to the Internet Grammar Drill Sergeants. At the same time, though, you don't want to be caught unawares when some 14-year-old know-it-all calls you up for misplacing your apostrophe, so I'll cover a few of the most common errors I see. Soon you'll be the one correcting your cyber friends.

Possessive Common Pronouns and Contractions

its versus it's
your versus you're
their versus they're

I was probably 9 years old when my father tried to impart his wisdom on how to remember whether to include an apostrophe in it's.

"Just remember," he told me, "that its NEVER has an apostrophe."

"Sometimes it does," I replied.

"No, never," he said.

"But I'm sure I've seen it with an apostrophe," I responded, getting very confused.

"You're thinking of it's," he said, "that is a completely different word."

As you can imagine, after that it was always perfectly clear.

For some people the best way to remember whether to include the apostrophe is to think about the fact that an apostrophe replaces letters. If you can't fit more letters where the apostrophe would go, then the apostrophe shouldn't go there.

Example 1: I think that it's a shame that we can't get a dog. (The apostrophe replaces the i.)

Example 2: I would like to have a dog, if it weren't for its smell. (There are no missing letters, so no apostrophe.)

Others replace its/it's with his. His does not have an apostrophe, so if his works in the sentence, then its also does not have an apostrophe.

Example 1: It's so nice to have a dog. (his doesn't work, so include the apostrophe)

Example 2: Its smell is just a minor problem. (his works, so there's no apostrophe)

First Person Personal Pronouns

Don't tread on me, myself and I

People confuse these words surprisingly often. My three-year-old nephew, for example, is all the time saying things like "Me want a cookie" or "Me put on shoes."

Non-toddlers like us are more likely to misuse myself. For example, "When you need an excellent grout repairman, call Jimbo or myself."

I believe people use myself in situations like this because they are repressing childhood trauma. These people know, deep down, that me is the correct word, but years of nagging by well-meaning and misinformed grandmothers to use I has left them with deep-seated inner turmoil. They can't resolve the conflict, so they avoid the situation entirely by using myself.

Myself might comfortable, but it's still wrong. The word myself actually has few correct uses. It's a reflexive pronoun, so unless it is reflecting back on another word (usually I), it probably is not the right choice.

Correct: If I'm not careful, I will hurt myself. (Myself reflects back on I.) Incorrect: If you're not careful, you will hurt me. (Myself doesn't work here because there's no I for it to reflect back to.)

People mostly know when to use I except when there are two people involved in the sentence. You can drop the other person to see whether to use I.

Incorrect: Jimbo and me are going grouting. (When you drop Jimbo from this sentence, you can tell it's wrong.)

Correct: Give the grout to Jimbo and me. (When you drop Jimbo from this sentence, you can tell it's right.)

It is more common to use I when you should use me. You can decide whether to use I or me by replacing the problem word with he or him. If he fits, use I. If him fits, use me.

Example: Make the check for the grouting work out to Jimbo and I. (He doesn't work here. The correct word is me.)

(This article from the November 2004 issue of Interface, the Hoosier chapter STC newsletter, has been reprinted with the author's permission. Amanda Cross has been a Hoosier chapter member for four years and newsletter editor for over two years. Between full-time technical writing, pulling together 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo, editing Interface, and a healthy e-mail life, Amanda is nearly completely out of words! )

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